Wow, I’ve not posted anything for a while.
Unfortunately my Crohn’s and I have not been the best of friends recently. I’ve been in a lot of pain and constantly exhausted from being up all night fighting my flare up. Between this, university work and my boyfriend being away it’s been emotional to say the least.
I’m lucky enough to have seen my boy quite a bit though. He comes and visits most weekends, even if it only for a whirlwind 24 hours. Sometimes I think this makes me miss him more though. We attempt to make every second count, try to make it meaningful but when the time comes for him to return to his barracks I can’t help but feel bitter disappointment that we haven’t done something extraordinary, that we lie cuddled up to each other just watching the time slip away. Don’t get me wrong I love spending my time in the arms of my S.O and I know he needs the time to rest and recoup but I regret that all I think about is how quickly it’s going to fly by. I love him with all my heart, but his journey with the army is breaking it in the process.
Reading that back I sound ungrateful and completely selfish. I know that. But I spend so much of my time hoping and praying that he’s ok, that he’s not being pushed too hard, that he’s not hurting his back any more than the agony I know he’s already in. I hate it. I want him to be by my side away from any potential harm. I want him here to look after me when I’m not feeling well instead of trying to hide it over the phone. However I know his sense of obligation is what makes me love him so much. The way he’s willing to risk himself for people that he doesn’t know, people that he’ll never meet. That makes me so insanely proud.
Isn’t he amazing.